Raped & Humiliated

K, so I was raped today, raped by a pyramid scheme. And no, it wasn't really a pyramid scheme, but yes, I was raped. Like hardcore. Actually, it was so bad that now I just tell myself that $20 just flew out of my hands, no control, completely random and there was nothing I could do about it - just to make myself feel better, when in reality, it was plucked out of my hands by a greedy little woman at a nasty little hill in stinky old Park City, Utah (damn Utah all the more) all for 4 trips down a hill in a tube. A tube. Yes. We went tubing. For $20. For 2 hours.
So let's look at this logically... that's like $10 an hour, right? Worth it? No. Or $5 bucks per trip down the slope. Worth it? Please. I could've rented a tube for about $3, paid a Mexican $1 to drag me up and down the damn slope each time and still paid $7. Plus, it was cold and therefore I feel like I shoul be compensated what, like at least $2, right? So total, Moe would've spent a grand total of $5 on tubing. Either way, I went tubing and "spent" $5 and mysteriously misplaced, never to be found again, $15. *^.^* And lying to myself really does make me feel better - already there is a burning hope of finding a missing $15 in my general possession...! K, so that wasn't even the worst part of my day -
Today, I found out God hates me - yeah, you'll soon see. So of course when I get home at 12:10 AM I've gotta do a #2 (drop a log, make a splash? Catch my drift?) So thank goodness my roommates are lame and are already in bed (or so I think) and the bathroom is prime time for some business. So I do said business. Unexpectedly, unfortunately, tragically, the damn toilet won't effing flush my business away! It's the middle of the night. I'm tired. I've misplaced $15 somewhere. And my toilet won't flush? Wait...like, serious? Are you kidding me?! So yeah, of course I'm going to flush again like any normal person and of course, since God hates me remember?, the toilet floods. No, the water level doesn't just rise really high, it really does overflow. Thank somebody most of the business was long gone, sucked away by a previously well functioning toilet. I saved my bathroom mats and garbage can and spent a freaking hour plunging, mopping, and hating my life. So I sticky-noted the hell out of the bathroom just in case a roommate wanted to use the facility and YES, just so happens a roommate DID want to do just that. And it wasn't any old roommate, it's the "children of the corn" one (kudos to Barret), aka the one I don't like/scares me/sometimes looks like she'll eat me. And she suggests we call maintenance - I tell her maintenance isn't open at this hour - she says call the emergency maintenance - Who's that? I ask - the police. THE POLICE, apparently, are the emergency maintenance according to home girl! And she wants me to call them! The Police! WTF. And yes, I do it because I feel slightly guilty that it was my big ass turd that got us in this mess (not punny.) So, feeling like an idiot and being watched by home girl the whole time, I call the university police and I'm answered by this bored-as old woman who asks me what my emergency is. I'm all apologizing and crap for calling, explaining that my situation wasn't at all an emergency, don't kill me, I just had a clogged toilet and my roommate had to pee. In the most bored, I-can't-believe-you're-bothering-me-about-this voice she says "So....You want someone to come out....for a clogged toilet." OMG SHOOT ME I feel like such a dumbass and so I'm just blubbering "Well...I don't know what else you want me to do..." and so she's all 'whatev', takes my information, asks me to spell my name and tell her where I live and crap. And then my roommate decides 20 seconds later that what we did was cruel and heartless and she just tells me to call them back and tell them not to worry about it, we can take care of it in the morning. UUGGGHHHHH. I call back. The bored-as lady picks up with "Hello, Moana." She effing knows my name! What the heck. I call off the whole rescue-me-I-clogged-my-toilet operation and was of course embarrassed so I was hurrying on the phone "We can call in the morning, it's fine, you can forget it, my roommate can find somewhere else to pee, goodnight!" And now bored-as lady knows my name and will probably post my idiocy in the damn Daily Universe in the police beat.

Sometimes... I hate my life.

Highlight of the day: There are cookies in the freezer and milk in the fridge.