Pathetic Typings Of An Apathetic Perspective

2011-01-28T14:11:00.002-07:00

Life is weird sometimes. I feel mine going in a new direction and I can only let myself be swept up in its force. I am immersed in books, information, and visual scrap. I am embraced by it.

To avoid small talk...

2010-11-27T13:39:00.006-07:00

So maybe I should let people know that in the near past I enjoyed a birthday - October 10th to be exact. Oh, you know, I didn't do anything too amazing for the epic 10/10/10, 21st birthday of mine - just Vegas. My dearest roommate Kathy Le, friend Ale and I drove down to Sin City and met Barret, who is amazing and flew out from Atlanta. Chris joined us later the next night for some clubbing. I didn't get much picture time since I was too preoccupied enjoying myself, but here are a few.

Chris and I drove home together and had a memorable meal at the last Popeyes in Mesquite before we hit the barren no-Popeyes land in which we live. We also explored the beautiful Kolob Canyon.

What else is going on in my life... Oh yeah. I also go to school. Sometimes. I've been pretty engrossed with a particular research paper for my History of Photography class regarding Duane Michals. It was actually a pleasure researching his work and becoming familiar with him as a photographer/artist/expressionist. It reaffirms my belief that it is not the medium that defines the artist, but the artist that defines the medium. Unfortunately, I haven't had any similar experiences in any of my other classes.

Congrats to my cousin Rowena on her 6th kid Tifaimoana. She's a perfect addition to a beautiful family. I did happen to meet some new cousins of mine while at the baby shower, so I have much to be grateful for! My Gifford and Dallin are still in Logan, and I still rarely see them. Barret is a precious first year law student in Atlanta and I think it's about time I visit him. Probably the best news, though, is that of Tiare! She's el preggo so now I finally have a baby I don't feel weird about stealing! I plan on hitting up Hawai'i next summer and being there for the new kid. It will be mine.

Haven't done one of these in a while... Song of the day: Ten Cent Pistol - The Black Keys

A day in the life...

2010-09-14T19:17:00.002-06:00

A Post!

2010-06-15T21:50:00.007-06:00

The past 6 months has been extremely trying for me. I've been dealing with many a thing such as not having Barret here, lifestyle choices, and fighting my biggest problem - which happens to be myself and this terrible lack of motivation. I recently went through a [long] misanthropic period where I tolerated 3, maybe 4 people. Usually I'm a very social person, but during this time I couldn't so much as look at a person without bitter, disgusted feelings somehow taint whatever happiness or joy I had at the time. Things are much better now and I wouldn't glare at you if we crossed paths, but I'm sure we've all been to that point and can appreciate my seclusive tendencies.

Enjoy these pictures - they were an anchor for my sanity during a time in my life when the small things were the only distraction from a very real reality.

Awesome hallway from my room.

View from work. I spend my lunch breaks observing the weather and enjoying doing nothing.

My blue kitchen at dusk.

A neighboring tree at sunset.

2010-05-06T16:27:00.002-06:00

Fuck people, their money, and this self righteous country. I loathe your capitalist, leeching practices.

The Uncomplicated Life

2010-05-02T13:29:00.006-06:00

I don't have much to show for the past four months.
It's been rough and, strangely, refreshing.

a sunrise

a brief trip home with friends

beauty in York, Nebraska

backseat with friends

Rock Canyon

A House Party

2010-02-20T10:57:00.010-07:00

I'll take my picture posting slow - nothing's more frustrating than being rushed through too many good photos of too many good times. So I'll start here:

Over this past weekend we had a house party for Al Dean of the band Burning Olympus since he was relocating himself to Oregon (can't understand why, Provo is kick-ass). His band, with friends Devin Powell, Mike Perry, and Chris Cooper, played a great set with a few guest appearances from friends Indecision and Hailey (sp?), that awesome 17yr old girl with a guitar.

This is Haili/Hailey/Haileigh

Burning Olympus

Haili/Hailey/Haileigh

Indecision

Burning Olympus

And Al Dean

If you'd like a full viewing of (most of) the pictures from that night they're available on my facebook. More great postings to come in the somewhat near future. I need to get started on a couple papers that were due a couple weeks ago. Booooo.

Suspended Like A Spirit Over Speeding Cars

2010-02-02T17:58:00.002-07:00

It has been quite the longest dry spell since I have last posted and I've decided it needs to stop - hence this post. I can't think of much else to post about except what else has currently been going on in my life (probably not the most exciting topic, but when you're me, it is understandable).

School started up again in January - I've probably been to a total of 7-8 classes thus far. I find the motivation hard to come by. Ironically enough, I registered for 2 volleyball classes this semester; one is at 8AM and the other at 9AM on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The irony in this, if you don't know my very well, is that I'm actually going to these classes. I've been known to sleep through 1PM classes and not register for classes before noon, and yet I've been managing these classes with ease. Secret to my success? I actually like volleyball. Also, the fact that Darren and I have a wager for a fish burger at Stan's, pending upon whether or not I make 80% attendance to these classes, may or may not have a slight effect upon this (I do plan on winning, btw).

I have no idea what's going on in my Samoan 202 class because I come an hour late every time and am there for maybe 15 minutes of lecture. It's slightly frustrating, but I'm glad my teacher is accommodating of my work schedule. I'm writing my philosophy paper on the irrationality of theistic belief - this is mostly to piss off all the Mormons I attend school with. We need a little sass around here and I find it my personal mission to provide such antics - if not only for my sole amusement. I have this Graphic Design class that I've been to once? Yeah, I should go more often. It does happen to be my major. I don't think I have any other classes... It's a pretty tame schedule and I need to get on top of things. No, wait, I forgot about my Family History class! Yeah, lame. That's all I have on that.

Life sucks with Barret in a completely different state and not even in the western part of the country. My days now mostly consist of school (whatever part I attend or time spent ditching), work (thank God for work, it keeps me sane), and roommate antics (we're pretty weird together, but in a good way). I must say that it's hard to function without him since we mostly complemented each other in almost every facet of our lives, but I'm sure we will be one happy married couple soon enough! Unfortunately, I won't be making it out to Mardi Gras this year. I think I missed the boat on that one considering my horrible timing and lack of precious, precious money. I did, however, spend a nice little weekend (day, mostly) in San Diego the other week with Christopher, Blake, and Julia. It was a great little getaway and I don't know when I will next see the ocean...

My congratulations to Dan and Michael on their engagement! It's a long time in coming and I'm so happy for the two. They're getting married out in Cape Cod this summer and I will be trying my best to make it for the ceremony.

Okay, stop. Somehow I just went this whole post without saying a single thing about the effing Brand New concert I went to!! Ugh. It was bloody amazing. I went with my roommate Kathy Le, some of her friends, and my best friend from home Carless Walker Texas Ranger (or Carly, whatever). The first band sucked ass. We don't care about the preachy lyrics, the Baptist reverend voice, nor do we especially care for the lead singer's sick fro, pervy mustache, and ridiculous purple and blue jogging suit - the Asian guitarist's voice was a pleasant surprise though, I'll give them that. Manchester Orchestra followed with a decent set - I must admit that I've seen better. Dear Andy Hull, please clean up your face. Carly was right when she said it looked like you were deliberately trying to repel women. Thank you, at least, for playing Where Have You Been. Brand New, though, was definitely something else. The show started immediately with Jesse Lacey solo with his guitar playing Soco Amaretto Lime. It was epic. They played their best songs from Daisy, The Devil and God, and Deja. It was just beautiful. Their hour and a half set seriously made up for all the complete retards ("complete retards" include 2 drunk girls who ran into me multiple times, the dumbasses who insist on moshing in the middle of the crowd, and the blazed girl who swayed her whole body and almost got punched out by Carly) who generally flock to any kind of rock show. What made it better was that we had eaten at The Pie in Salt Lake and had delicious, leftover pizza in the car and ice cream cake at home. It was a great night and I'm sorry Barret missed it :(

Let me leave you with the song Soco Amaretto Lime because I feel prompted to do so (probably divine intervention, not going to lie).

Keep your eyes peeled for more updates. Or don't. Whatever.

Catching Up, But Not Really

2009-10-15T01:12:00.002-06:00

Brand New's show in SL,UT was cancelled due to illness.

I happened to be in WalMart with a favorite boy of mine, Blake Allen, when I got a disturbing call from Chris that BN's show in Salt Lake and Denver were cancelled. The bag of candy I was so excited to buy was immediately laid aside at the checkout line and I began to hang my head like a 13 yr. old depressed teenager (which, technically, I was still a teenager at 19 and quite depressed, though a little more mature in the head-hanging than the average 13 yr. old). I pretty much sulked all the way home and all that night and all the next morning. It was the single event in my October life that I was looking forward to most. It's okay though, because they're rescheduling... I just have to bide my time.

We had a day at Disneyland lined up, but unfortunately the plans took a turn for the worst, but in the end it worked out well! I spent my birthday having a great time with awesome people - literally, the whole 24 hours of that day - doing some fun and unexpected things. MWUAH to everyone who made it what it was!

Daisy

2009-10-09T17:26:00.003-06:00

Man.

I've been meaning to save a post for my review of Daisy, Brand New's latest and greatest. I've spent hours reading reviews by fans, critics, haters, radio hosts... I've seen it. I've been preparing and brooding over what I'd say, but after all that thought and deep introspection, here it is: I like it. No, in fact, I love it. From the weirdly haunting gospel hymn recordings to Jesse Lacey's screaming vocals, it's a brisk walk down that dark alley we loitered in with The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me. This celebration of the edgier, darker side of life makes me thirst for more and keeps this album on repeat. Kudos to Brand New for always putting out and props to Vinnie for the significant contribution in these lyrics. I admire the hard-headed determination Brand New has in pursuing their unique sound and the wise choice to ignore the hopes and dreams of fans, musicians, and fads alike.

Well, I'll stop. I could probably go on forever about them and I don't doubt that the majority of my posts are about these kids. Tomorrow is my birthday. I plan on enjoying myself.

2009-09-09T00:16:00.002-06:00

I don't like the thought that someone thinks he/she knows me. I like to think that I'm such an individual that since you are not me, you will never know me. Any thoughts?

It's been a while, but here's my song of the day:

Hanasakajijii (Four: A Great Wind, More Ash) by Anathallo

[Sadly, for first listening I could only find a live version in recording so it's not best of quality]

"Yesterday, the land went dry.
I sprinkled ash of my neighbor's urn
Over the yard.

Sprinkled in the hope
That should I cut out
A pie wedge,
I would find gold.
Buried in the ground
Between the grass and growth.

Instead, the earth skin cracking
And a great wind, more ash,
Slivers of the ground burning in the eyes
Of ones, who, standing there...

Long ago, when it all began
The dog would dig the ground
And whisper, "Master, come to the garden.
By your hand to the spade, cut away behind your house.

Cut away for coins. Cut away to the buried..."

Get excited.

2009-08-06T17:13:00.003-06:00

I feel as if a blog post is in order due to some of the best news of the year and that is (drum roll)... The announcement of Brand New's 2009 tour dates! I've no idea if you knew this (honestly, though, can you call yourself my friend had you not?), but I'm pretty much a through-and-through Brand New fanatic. The tour dates and locations can be found here on Brand New's myspace page. Try not to drool on the keyboard because, frankly, the rumors are true; Brand New is the shit.

As a member of BN's street team, I am most assuredly and electronically under oath and therefore bound to spread the joys and wondrous news of this band. Their new album [named, then un-named, then re-named] 'Daisy' hits the US Sept. 22nd (so far away!) and the UK Sept. 21st (those bastards...). Please enjoy the album art, because I send out my props to the designer. It's simple and fantastic. BN's single 'At The Bottom' will debut on their myspace page Monday, the 10th of August and will be available on iTunes the 11th.

All right, for those whose first time it is on my blog, I have a disclaimer: I'm not a huge freak. Seriously. If you read further, you'll notice that I DO actually blog about things other than BN - my hate of Utah, for example. I just happen to be quite dedicated to my favorite band and a little too excited that their Salt Lake City (SLUT as i like to refer to it as) happens to be on October 9th - which is the day before my birthday! Weeeee *^.^* And although tickets officially go on sale on Monday the 10th, tickets can be found online at http://www.ducatking.com/. I love ducatking. Want to know why? 1. They sell all of BN's shows 2. The tickets are really cool! My last BN tickets were black and hot pink striped, and 3. I don't get screwed over every freaking time I show interest/attempt to buy anything(hey, TicketMaster, is that you? I'm still bitter, if you can't tell). But really. My gal BFF Carless has her tickets in sorts and will be travelling from Rexburg, Idaho to be with me on this occasion! Now I just need Barret to buy his and we're good... Let me know if you want to come/want to compare your love of BN to mine!

So on to something completely unrelated to Brand New...

I found out Darren from work loves sushi. Guess what, everyone? I, too, love sushi! It's good. We love tempura. This was probably the only interesting conversation I had today. I thoroughly enjoy talking food because hey, I'm Poly and I love food a little bit more than the white people. So I'm not going to bore you more with food, but I can entertain you with [DUN DUN DUN] http://www.emailsfromcrazypeople.com/! It is exactly like what the URL states - this is a site dedicated to emails/sometimes texts/notes/letters from crazy people all over the world! I spend many an hour at work flipping through these wonderful sites and it gets me through the day. Here are some links to my three favorite emails/letters in my whole, brown life.

Devil Worship and Christmas Lights
The Pets Clause
and my all-time favorite:
The Spider Story

These are the things I like to do in my spare time and I feel that I am that much the better person for doing so. Life is good. As Mr. Schott, my high school Latin teacher, would hate to say HABES BONAM UNAM!

2009-07-20T01:37:00.003-06:00

It's everything.
The vibe.
The people.
This school.
Its culture.
The reach, the influence.
It's stagnant and festering and I can't stand the thought of being near it. I don't understand the kind of person that thrives in this and I don't mean to offend in any way. I gave it that chance and now I'm moving on.

A Matter of Life and Death

2009-07-07T16:09:00.009-06:00

Hi-ho, friends!

Let's start with the good stuff ---> I'm loving summer. I love, love, love this carefree, nonchalant time in life in which people are more open, risky, and in my opinion, alive. There's a lot to be adored and enjoyed this time of year and spending unadulterated bonding time with my good friends is worthy of any endeavor. You know, I'm anxious to know what the future holds and to see the rippling effects of my choices throughtout life, but I can't live any less here in the present. I like it.

I've decided to not attend BYU this winter semester. In fact, I have a feeling that this will be the last time I reside in this great state of Utah. I'm not bitter, really. My reasons for leaving are not reasons of hate, oppression, or disbelief, but merely because I don't think I can ever be happy here. Utah isn't for me and in no way is BYU an environment that I want, or can, thrive in spiritually or artistically. I'm breaking out of this cookie cutter town and running to a place I've been happy in the past and can pursue my own dreams. I have my sights set on University of Canterbury in New Zealand, but I'm keeping my options open. I plan on working hardcore on my portfolio this fall semester here at BYU that I may have the best chances of getting into the BFA program...

Lately I find myself wistfully thinking of cool things to do, new things to try and yet I am faced with my ultimate nemesis in life: $

Down with money!!1 It's too ironic that I don't care for money and yet it's quite necessay for the life I currently lead. I want to road trip but I don't have money. I don't mind working for it, but sometimes I don't want to go in to work... Too many an occasion has this held me back. Why is school so expensive? I love that I pay for the things I need and do, but it gets annoying. Boo. Hence my ridiculous obsession with Burning Man. Seriously? I'm going. It's hard to explain what this thing is, but let me just direct you to their site --> http://www.burningman.com/

So on that happy and exciting note, I leave you, my readers, with a special treat of a song I am obsessed with:

2009-06-16T18:09:00.002-06:00

Dear Readers (the few of you, I know),

I am so bored at work. Now that RUSH is over and the phones aren't ringing off the hooks with retards and slackers alike, I have not much to do! There is only so much internet surfing one can enjoyably do for so long and 8 hours is kind of outside that enjoyable time frame? But anyway. I have had a lot of time to do some online shopping, catching up on bills, a little pre-planning, and best of all! ---> I updated my Southwest account and I'm 3 credits away from a free roundtrip flight! This means I can buy tickets to go places? And then get a free flight after that! Also, applying for that Southwest credit card earns me 8 additional credits! I'm excited.

So what I think I'm most excited for are all the road trips and skydiving adventuring...! So uh... I can't think of anything more to blog about. I talked to Mom today. I had some Oreos here at work. I got to sit up front at the reception way early today! It was really nice. So after work Chris and I are going to hit up an Opera party and then a possible carnival in the Albertson's parking lot and then we're going to watch Madea Goes To Jail and we're just going to party hardy in celebration! Not that we have much to celebrate, but you know. It's summer. It's celebration time! I feel like this blog is lame. But I'm really bored.

2009-05-23T04:13:00.003-06:00

There's not much to say in this post since the following song pretty much sums up my night and sets the mood for the summer. I was waiting for this. I took Chris' car, grabbed Barret and took off up the canyon. Despite being a small, desolate little town, Heber is kinda cute. Thanks to Barret, the music and our slurpees, I couldn't have asked for more

SOCO AMARETTO LIME:
Passed out on the overpass
Sunday best and broken glass
Broken down from the bikes and bars
Suspended like spirits over speeding cars
You and me were kings over the parkway tonight
And tonight will go on forever while we
walk around this town like we own the streets
and stay awake through summer like we own the heat
Singing "everybody wake up (wake up) it's time to get down"
(everybody, everybody wake up its time to get down)
And when I pass the bottle back to Pete
on the overpass tonight, I bet we laugh

I'm gonna stay eighteen forever (cut me open)
So we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)
And we'll never miss a party (this offer...)
cause we keep them going constantly (...stands forever)
And we'll never have to listen (new haircut)
to anyone about anything (new bracelet)
cause it's all been done and it's all been said (eyeliner)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get

The hell out of this town
Find some conversation
The low fuel lights been on for days
It doesn't mean anything
I've got another 500, 'nother 500 miles
before we shut this engine down,
we shut it down

I'm gonna stay eighteen forever (cut me open)
So we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)
And we'll never miss a party (this offer...)
cause we keep them going constantly (...stands forever)
And we'll never have to listen (new haircut)
to anyone about anything (new bracelet)
cause it's all been done and it's all been said (eyeliner)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get (wait forever)

(you're just jealous cause I'm young and in love)
Eighteen forever (first kisses)
(your stomach's filled up but you're starved for conversation)
So we can stay like this forever (new stitches)
(you're spending all your nights growing old in your bed)
And we'll never miss a party (collar weekend)
(and your tearin up your photos cause you wanna forget... it's over)
cause we keep them going constantly (appearance ticket)
(you're just jealous cause I'm young and in love)
And we'll never have to listen (November to...)
(your stomach's filled up but you're starved for conversation)
to anyone about anything cause it's all been done (...remember)
(you're spending all your nights growing old in your bed)
and it's all been said (nightswimmers)
(and your tearin up your photos cause you wanna forget... it's over)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get

Just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous... [turntable scratch]

Spring Term

2009-04-30T12:09:00.003-06:00

So for some reason I decided to attend school during the Spring term and I'm starting to doubt my previous decision. So I woke up late, missed Photography, and went to Astronomy. I can already tell I will love the class and everything about it, so that's a go. I then proceeded to the Maesar Building for my Honors 150 English class - yeah, no. I got there like 5 minutes early and of course the classroom is already teeming with people chattering about their grades, how they dealt with finals, study patterns, their love of the English language, who got a 4.0 and excuses for 3.8's. I want to die. I like school-talk as much as the next person and sure, I like to rant about homework and teachers just as much but come on! Are we serious? I have two favorite quotes that made me want to gag and I would love to share them here on my blog. Please prepare yourself.

[during classic introductions to whole class - name, major, interesting fact]

"My name is Blahblahblah and I'm an English major. Technically? I took the AP test and got a 4 and don't have to take this class? But it's required for my major, sooo that's why I'm here. LOL!!11"

(Okay, so she didn't really say LOL!!11 but it was the ditzy, blonde equivalent of the LOL!!11. I hate her.)

And my more favorite:

" Um, I graduated high school when I was 13. So, yeah."

Don't you love it?! Nah, I really shouldn't be annoyed but I wasn't in the mood, which makes it all the worse for the situation. Upside? My teacher is a bloody Greek god. He told us his life story and it was surprisingly depressing - lost his first wife to cancer, raising his son alone, marrying again to a widow with 2 children and all the drama and jazz that comes with that. Either way, I'm dropping the class. I've decided to pay tuition per credit and focus on those classes. It should be good.

So back to the real reason I am blogging today - my dearest coworkers Hollie and Lacey have started biding their time here at work by blogging and I've decided to follow suit. Today there was an empty seat next to Hollie and she wanted me to sit next to her - cool, I like Hollie. Usually she bathes and is a tidy cubicle mate, but this time I was at a desk with a working headset! Do you know that these working headsets are hard to come by? I look cool with a headset. Plus, she was sitting right by the 2 supervisors who are always hassling me about missing work and what not. Can't risk that. *sigh* I have.... 1.25 hours til my lunch break and then another 4. Bringin' in the bacon, baby! Also, Hollie has brought to my attention that my blog needs pictures? I am getting on to that. Let's see.. Here's a random for your enjoyment. I swear future picture posts will be more relevant.

fmylife of the day:

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

Splutter

2009-04-17T13:19:00.004-06:00

No - end of semester resolution: Be more assertive and more vocal. I'm done with this passive complacent business I've let go too far for too long. It's time I do something for myself.

In honor of the new Where The Wild Things Are movie coming out, I dedicate this post's lyrics of the day to an amazing band called Arcade Fire.

Lyrics of the day:

Children wake up, hold your mistake up
Before they turn the summer into dust
If the children don't grow up
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms
turnin' every good thing to rust.

I guess we'll just have to adjust.

"Wake Up" Arcade Fire

You Wish You Knew

2009-03-29T23:52:00.004-06:00

I got into this rut of... how do I put this... not giving a damn? Right now I really don't have the energy nor desire to indulge other people. I feel as though I spend a lot of my time accommodating everyone else that I neglect myself in the process. Once I hit that stage I'm like 'Done.' and all nice processes shut down and the attitude kicks in. But that's okay because I'm usually determined to enjoy myself and if you're included in the euphoria then all the merrier, yay for everyone! I hit one of these points in life during high school and I decided that it wasn't worth the emotional investment - I've become one of the most apathetic, care-free persons in the world and I'm completely at peace with that. Sometimes it gets a little out of hand and I have to make myself do stuff, but really it's touch and go from here on out.

It's a lifestyle I recommend to everyone who can handle such a daring adjustment.

By the way, I'm going sky diving in the summer with my roommate Sarah. Any takers?

Lyrics of the day:
This is the craze only we can bestow.
This is the price you pay for a loss of control.
This is the break in the bend.
This is the closest we've called.
This is the reason you're alone.
This is the rise and the fall.
-"Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't"
brandnew

PS
I feel like there's a fine line between apathy and procrastination and I krump on that line.

Crush

2009-01-13T01:41:00.002-07:00

I hate realizing you're more stressed than you thought and it hits you all at once. Haha...

Sometimes I hate people.

2008-12-14T02:55:00.004-07:00

Sometimes I really like cheese. Also, sometimes I really crave things and my most recent past craving was garlic bread. We satisfied that craving - too bad it was super crappy garlic bread.

I have an art project due before Friday. I have no idea how I'm going to execute whatever it is that is in my mind. Sometimes I'm amazed with the difficulty of making art.

I'm getting back into my old school music - old school meaning high school/music I listened to as a younger, littler person. The memories the music brings to mind is such a trip and I love it. Not even just music, but anything. I can wear a shirt today and remember a certain day, time, smell, food, anything associated with a particular time I wore it and honestly I cherish these trips back in time. Can I just give a few examples? Listening to Beautiful Oblivion by Eve 6 reminds me of swim meets and how fun they used to be because once I was at some swim conference or an invite - I don't remember, I was like 10 - and we were sitting in the hallway of this high school with our blankets set up and snack all around and I had burned this CD with like 16 songs of strictly Beautiful Oblivion. Seriously, I was obsessed. I also remember singing the song in my head as I swam my event. Wearing my blue perfume is an automatic reminder of going clubbing with Barret. I'll smell it and I already feel the bass of the music, the smell of smoke, and the general mood that came with clubbing. My favorite shirt used to be my older brother Marvin's before I dug it out of the crawlspace and decided I wanted to make it mine and I remember him hitting me with a dodge ball while he was wearing that shirt at mutual when he was like 12. Sometimes I just want to live my life song by song, memory by memory and skip all the static in between. Sometimes I wish life were that simple and nostalgic. But seriously though, I should get a grip, huh? I think I'm too wistful in my thinking that I live in the past and not really in the future but I think that's what keeps me going some days. I want innovation, not tradition, but I need to find a way to make that happen - exactly the first step to doing just that, yes?

By the way, Staci and Erica are moving out this week. I'm really, really sad about this. The only happy thought though is Sarah, Aubrey, and Camille don't suck. Seriously, if the two girls who move in are douches? Nu uh. Not happening. I can't even fathom... *sigh*.

I hung out with Staci and her friend Corey tonight and we got on the topic of weed and he said something about his social life becoming a lot less social because the high made him like himself in such a way that he didn't feel the need for friends to fill that space. I completely agree. Sometimes I love the silence. Btw, I'm really annoyed. I get annoyed a lot.

BaBAM

2008-11-16T19:07:00.002-07:00

It's been over a month since my last post, just... um... yeah. Still here. I actually just like to constantly talk about myself and my life and me. I actually find blogs to quite possibly be one of the most self-centered things ever. But that's cool - we can deal with that. How else are we to communicate with friends and loved ones we don't live near?! Mostly what I want to focus on is probably open-mindedness. It is my theory that we all have a closet bigot, or multiple, somewhere inside us and I would hope that we would try our utmost to at least expose and make aware the existence of such a barrier. Right? Wouldn't you want to eradicate something that bars communication between two individuals? If there's one thing I don't understand it's intolerance caused by ignorance, faulty assumption, and refusal to open your mind to new avenues of thought. Have an opinion, be confident in your beliefs, but don't force feed your personal doctrine or think that if you repeat yourself louder and more often then it's automatically a fact of life. It's annoying. And I think I've already expressed myself about annoying people in a previous post.

On a more happier note, I totally asked the coolest kid ever for whatever the hell it is we're doing on Tuesday with the roommies. Unfortunately, Mitchell Snitchell is such a catch that effing Aubrey bloody Jensen, my own roommate, thinks she can try to take him for herself - if anything, this might be a polygadate. I'll do whatever it takes. I refuse to settle for anyone other than Mitchell Snitchell.

I have so. much homework due Tuesday. I have this ridiculous art project with the bloody color-aid paper that is just blowing my mind with its lack of purpose? And then I have a Book of Mormon exam due.Ugh, but anyway... I have to go. We're going to Mitchell Snitchell's - to cuddle and make out, of course! A tout a l'heure.

art talk and ramblings of a delusional mind

2008-10-04T23:48:00.003-06:00

It's been quite a while since I've posted any kind of blog and even longer since I've written in my journal so... I have a lot more spare time than usual since I'm not with Barret (imagine that) and I have no further plans tonight! I actually just finished with girls' night here at Yellow House Down (where I live) and it was great seeing the old group of girls from freshman year. We mostly sat around, ate, talked, and played games like old times. Can I just say that I am so ready for hot tubbing, hot springing, and mainly skinny dipping? We almost went but then we remembered it was cold and drizzly outside... Mostly, I just want all the old times to repeat themselves because I remember having a grrreat time and frankly, I wouldn't mind doing it all over again. I think girls night and talking about the past has gotten me all nostalgic and wistful. I don't think it'll go away until it happens again. Oh well. Moving on...

I'm loving school. I love the fact that I'm actually in school doing what I came to school to do...? And that's art. Generals were a waste of my time. Now I can focus on what's important and extend myself a little more each week. It seems like I polish a new facet of myself I never knew I had every time I start a project. I've learned to have more of a personal influence in my work as opposed to just objectively rendering an assignment. I feel that in every piece I've made a statement. It's actually pretty ridiculous. Yeah, it sucks that on Mondays and Wednesdays I'm in the same classroom for 6 straight hours for 2 different drawing classes, but I've improved so much that it doesn't bother me as much as it normally would. My teachers are all so lax about taking food breaks and being gone for 15 minutes at a time. *sigh* It's been great, even all the stress it can cause.

I need a job. I'm kind of tired but not really. Why can't Barret be back already. Why can't Sarah be home. I miss my dog. I want to go to Italy. I suck at making decisions. There are too many spiders in my room. Oh, I got a tattoo the other week. My mom's going to kill me. I miss my dad. I don't want to do my art project, it's lame. People still owe me internet money. I want to start swimming again. I have to get rid of the lava room. My eyeballs suck face and I need a new prescription. I'm going to take a nap...

Lyrics of the day:
Now I just sleep beneath your floor
My ghost just tries to keep you warm
I've seen the end, I've lost the war
One day you'll join me here just like the rest

Ka-CHING!

2008-06-15T16:58:00.002-06:00

I was in need of some humor in my life and so, after pondering quite extensively, I came up with a solution to my problems --> Daily Universe - to be more specific, Police Beat. I did some snooping on byu.edu and I came upon the most wonderous thing, which just so happens to be an archive of Police Beats!! I am... so excited. And if you have ever read a Police Beat then you would understand.

It would only be fair to share this treasure and therefore the link is: http://newsnet.byu.edu/section.cfm/policebeat

Know what the icing on the cake is? I found the guy who writes these damnable things. Like... facebook found him. Ahahaha, here's his link if you just want to get inside the head of a complete moron and get a taste of what being the Police Beat author is like ;)

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=17830947&hiq=chris%2Cwilliams#/profile.php?id=17830947

I hope you guys enjoy this as much as myself. Mwah!

Lyrics of the day:
"And I'd stand there, like a soldier, with my foot upon his chest,
With my grin spread, and my arms out, in my bloodstained Sunday's best,
And you'd hold me, and remind you who you are.. under their shell..."

- A Walk Through Hell, Say Anything

Movies and Hateful Words

2008-06-11T18:35:00.001-06:00

So I'm watching The Other Boleyn Girl - omg, it's hella awkwarrrrrd!

Also. There were a few words that were said today that I hate? These words include: purchase and bra. I HATE THOSE WORDS OMFGGGG

Your team, my love.

2008-04-29T21:23:00.003-06:00

So I had this wonderful day full of 'your teams' and no team to assign them to...! There were just so many that I had to write it down on this receipt so I wouldn't forget any - seriously, it was that great.

#1. I was at the bank waiting in the car for my mom to get back when I saw these two treasures, girl and a guy, walking back to the van that was parked right next to our car. I'm automatically thinking 'Your Team.' - they both looked like red neck inbreds who were probably the product of siblings and were sibling lovers themselves...throw in some down syndrome for the girl. K, so it was much to my pleasure that when they walked to the van they both walked to the my side and the sliding door slid open and inside was this... boy with jacked up teeth and bed head and all around nastiness. Weird thing was that we made eye contact and I don't think my face was one of polite curiosity. Let's just say that the whole damn van was a 'your team'. Oh, and I saw the girl in the passenger seat playing with a screw driver and holding it up reeaally close to her eye for a close inspection..? I think that whole van is full of inbreds.

#2. There's construction on this busy road and there was a line building up from momentary blockage... this truck gets all pissed and like pulls off into one of the parking lots to find a way around (which there's not) and right as he pulls out of the lane the line immediately gets unblocked and this loser is left to turn around in the parking lot and try to squeeze his way back into the line. Nonetheless, he had to wait a long time and Mom and I pointed and laughed at him. Your team!

#3. (the best one)So I went to the BMV today to get another license. We pull in and I'm just looking around when I see this old Buick pull into the parking lot and just....park. Like, not even in a spot? It was like in the main lane entrance to the place and it just stopped mid-driving, parks, and homegirl waltzes out of her car. Did I mention what she was wearing? Classic dope fiend/meth addict/crack whore outfit! Her hair was down and looked tangled and nasty and she was wearing this matty old fur coat and these way too big blue jeans with red heels - AND, and... she was wearing blue eyeliner. WHATVE I SAID ABOUT CHICKS WHO WEAR BLUE EYELINER?! They look like crack whores. Point in case. Alright. So the BMV is ALWAYS busy and there's a line out the door, right? Yeah, Ms. Ho walks right on into the building and stands beside the woman who is being helped until the attendant looks at her and makes her take a seat. I did my business and was waiting for my license to print when I noticed that the crack whore is walking out to her car with a driving instructor - aka SHES TAKING A DRIVING TEST! Homegirl, who can't park straight OR in an actual parking spot is ATTEMPTING to pass a driving test! So Mom and I were watching her and all I saw was the instructor immediately slow her pace when she saw the car, paced around the car, then speak to homegirl for like...5 minutes. They immediately came back inside and all I saw on homegirl's face was this huge frown. I think we can all make our own correct assumptions. I think I'm just grateful she's not getting her license today/not in the near future.

Oh, and my license picture is more of a mugshot. Yessss. I also went to McDonald's this morning after dropping off my siblings and I actually got what I ordered...? Which..is strange... because I'm not used to this kind of service from this particular restaurant..?

Home

2008-04-26T23:27:00.000-06:00

Miss everyone...

:'(

Just a friendly reminder.

2008-04-09T03:39:00.003-06:00

Don't do drugs.

I strongly advocate the D.A.R.E. campaign to be headlined with the movie Requiem For A Dream with Jared Leto as its poster child. Not only would it scare the general public from doing drugs but it would also bring the amazingness that is Jared Leto to the forefront of the anti-drug scene. Mmmmm....

Just a taste of what you could be viewing on the next Anti-Drug commercial:

And this one's for Barret...

Dear Local H and Everclear: I miss you.

2008-04-02T02:58:00.010-06:00

So of course I've been doing some more research on Brand New lyrics and I can't get over the connection they have with life in general. They're not out there to beak new ground in the music industry, but to put in words the angsty teenage drama and human life exerience. They sing songs that reverberate in your head, that you can't get rid of. I haven't been on one of these speels in a long time and just so happens that the last one was Brand New again back in my junior year of highschool. The only other band I've really ever obsessed over lyrics with is Jimmy Eat World and they happen to be my number 2 ;) Can I make a few recommendations: Jimmy Eat World, Manchester Orchestra, Colour Revolt

These next 2 videos are of this wonderful band called Local H.

Bound For The Floor (above) is one of those defining songs of mine from my elementary/middle school days - but it doesn't compare with this next video of Hands On The Bible (below)- excuse the video, it's obviously homemade and crappy and yet not that bad. This song is epic. Local H has got to be one of the best underground bands ever. Sometimes I'll see them playing at a local bar where I'm from or a grocery store - these kids kick it old school and keep it fresh. Hope you enjoy.

Oh, and Everclear? Miss you.

Lyrics of the day:
Well I wrote your name and burned it
To see the color of the flame
And it burned out the whole spectrum
As if you're everything
-Brand New, Untitled 1

You defend it with a poor rationale...

2008-04-01T03:32:00.003-06:00

So I had this surprisingly lovely day today - despite the fact that I spent half my day running on a clock that happened to be an hour behind and it was completely without my knowledge util 3:27/4:27! I got this surprise/random visit from Carless (Carly) at 2 in the morning. We had fun and she met Barret and we did some wonderfully illegal things to a conveniently abandoned gas station aaaand then she remembered that she forgot to get a transfer ticket/something that enabled her to get on a plane home. So she spent the rest of the 3 hours she was here freaking out/sleeping/more quiet freaking out in her sleep via mumbling complaints. Still good, though - gotta see Carly! And today all these Poly guys with guitars and musical talent jammed in our class for like a half hour and one of them even rapped. He was beautiful. I gotta get me one of those...

Oh, uhh... I hate www.rideuta.com I feel that the site was created by the mentally hilarious/realistically retarded. When I'm on your damn bus site looking for bus routes, I don't want to know the effing history. I want the present. I want to know where your buses go and times, not when the very large, architecturally impressive warehouse for housing busses was built, or who founded it. Dead John Doe who lives in a cool glass dome is not going to get me to the airport >:[

And for you BYU readers (Cough, aka all of you, sadly) keep an eye out for the exceptionally ridiculous Daily Universe article - should'nt be too difficult. I know you know what I'm talking about.

Lyrics of the day:
I am not your friend.
I'm not your lover.
I'm not your family.
-Brand New, Sowing Season

Sasa!!

2008-03-26T02:47:00.002-06:00

I'm like...hella bored. And retarded. I really am staying up because I'm too lazy to search for my contacts case - and I refuse to sleep with my contacts in AGAIN because I was too lazy to find the case last night and slept with them in then! It's a never ending, vicious cycle.

So Melia and I went to Lu'au practice today. It was a mandatory dress rehearsal that lasted from 5PM to 11PM. Yeah. 6 hours. Oh, and our section is slightly effed up. The musicians are live and they don't ever really practice with us so we're all offbeat and don't know half the steps... Whatevs. It's a hurrrflip.

My family also happens to be in town. And I have no idea how to entertain my 15 yr. old brother and 17 yr. old sister for unknown amounts of time...? Sooooo.... Yeah. That's cool. I dance in Lu'au tomorrow and eevveerryone should coomme.... except Casey. Stay home, faggot. Oh, and I don't think I would be terribly sad if Amelia weren't there either? :) It's a hurrflip. Loves.

Yay for spontaneity!

2008-03-25T02:34:00.003-06:00

So I love.... Brand New. Lyrics, Burrito, iPods, cigarette smoke, clean laundry, defining moments, new things... It goes on. I would normally post stuff that I hate, only appropriate to play devil's advocate, but I think I like to keep the clean, happy mood.

Highlight of the day: Sight seeing w/ Burrito (Barret.) Loves!!

Quote of the day:
You're never going to feel as full as you felt
So let's go outside and we'll play William Tell
Take your time drawing a bead
I'll stand as still as you need
'Cause you're so good at talking smack,
You Heart attack
But you're the apple of my eye anyway
-"You Won't Know" - Brand New (KNOW THEM)

Eff you, McDonalds. And Casey.

2008-03-20T03:39:00.002-06:00

I'd like to take a couple seconds out of my time to bitch about how crappy McDonalds fries are. Yes, I do realize that it's 3:00 AM, but know what else I realized? Yeah, the 24/7 sign on your drive thru? That's right. Last time I checked 24/7 means open all night and all morning, from dusk to dawn and back again. Aka there's no excuse for your damn fries to suck ass whenever the hell I want them, k? You may not have anticipated my arrival to the minute, but surely fries get a little old if they've been out since the manager who gives a crap left at 11:00 PM. I do not appreciate lukewarm potato chips that are overly salted and taste like bark. Enough said.
Oh, one more thing, why do all the weird looking people work the night shift at McDonalds?

You should write a hate letter. It's particularly therapeutic and lovely. I actually planned on saying more, but I'm kinda tired. I'll just update on the reaction to said hate letter. Loves-

Weeeee

2008-03-16T02:23:00.002-06:00

So I was in a really pissy/kill-you mood and I had all intentions of super venting and laying out half my friends for being a-holes, but not anymore! I got on the computer, ready to go here but I found myself going to my email account...aaand I got a wonderful email that contained promising news:

Hey Moana, what do you think of the idea of us trying to make it to the
luau? Is is going to be worth our time. Actually, my two little kids can
come with us because its spring break during that time. What do you think?
We are thinking of driving down instead of flying. Havent decided yet. Let
us know.

From Mommy!! YAAAYYYY1!!!@!~!@!@!

So yeah. Half my fam might be coming out in two weeks! Exciting.

Seriously, why did I ever stop??

2008-03-11T19:51:00.004-06:00

I'm supposed to be writing a paper right now, but...

You know when you hear a song that you haven't heard it in a really long time and you become re-obsessed with it and don't know why you ever stopped listening to it because it was/is/always will be amazing? I had one of those!

Very recently.

And I had to share.

Love, love, looooove this song/band.

Hopefully you'll enjoy it like I enjoy it.

Backstabber by The Dresden Dolls

1 Missed Call.

2008-03-11T00:22:00.002-06:00

Some of you may know that way back when my mother turned off all of our cellphones - most importantly, of course, mine. And so I've been super bored/been playing hard-to-get-a-hold-of for a really long time. And I've been depressed about it for some time but life went on and my grades kept falling down so I've learned to deal with it. One thing, though, is that I still keep my cellphone charged because I use it for an alarm in the mornings. So I come home from hanging with Barret and Patsy and I see my cellphone on the desk. So i look at it to see what time it is and lo and behold - 1 missed call!! I'm freaking out - the missed call is from home and it was dated today at 9:40 PM and I know I wasn't home then so I'm thinking 'maybe mom turned it back on!' so I rush to call back and it wouldn't let me! So I was bummed again. And I check my email... this is the email subject: Moana call us - your phone should be working now. Call as soon as you get this email‏.

So it's 12:40 AM and I'm rushing around looking for a phone to call home from cause I thought it just needed some kind of set up and it would work again and I call home - which means its 1:40 AM at home - and my dad answers and I'm all "blah blah blah my phone blah blah is it blah blah blah working omg blah blah blah" and he told me... that he and mom turned it on...and then talked some more...and decided to turn it off again!!1OOOMMMGGGGG I WANNA CRRRYYYYYY! My dad's such a jerrrrrkkk! He was just dangling it in front of me and now he's laughing in my face >.< GAH I'm too pissed/depressed about it to talk more. Eff this.

2008-03-09T03:39:00.003-06:00

I just feel that it needs to be said that if you're annoying as all hell then you should stay away from me - it's an act of common courtesybecause
1. You're annoying.
2. No one likes annoying people
3. I will point out that you're annoying, most likely not to your face
4. I will make fun of you
and 5. Chances are you'll be annoying in the future and therefore I will not hang out with you (see reasons 1-4) - ((on the rare occassion I will hang out with you just to make fun of you...))

Moving on...

A huge pet peeve of mine is when a particular person thinks an amazing topic of conversation would be the subject of her/himself. You know what that is? It's annoying. In fact, it has gotten so bad with a certain friend of mine that I have literally been forced to stop being around him. I have come up with a solution to our problem though - it's called the Tolerance Game. Before hanging out with him I set my tolerance level to a certain amount, such as 10, and during the hang out session I will count aloud the times he talks about himself inappropriately. Once exceeding said tolerance level, I get up and leave - end of hang out session. I now look forward to hanging out with him just so I can play my game! It's sad that it had to come to this, but honestly, quit talking about your damn self.

Raped & Humiliated

2008-03-07T02:47:00.000-07:00

K, so I was raped today, raped by a pyramid scheme. And no, it wasn't really a pyramid scheme, but yes, I was raped. Like hardcore. Actually, it was so bad that now I just tell myself that $20 just flew out of my hands, no control, completely random and there was nothing I could do about it - just to make myself feel better, when in reality, it was plucked out of my hands by a greedy little woman at a nasty little hill in stinky old Park City, Utah (damn Utah all the more) all for 4 trips down a hill in a tube. A tube. Yes. We went tubing. For $20. For 2 hours.
So let's look at this logically... that's like $10 an hour, right? Worth it? No. Or $5 bucks per trip down the slope. Worth it? Please. I could've rented a tube for about $3, paid a Mexican $1 to drag me up and down the damn slope each time and still paid $7. Plus, it was cold and therefore I feel like I shoul be compensated what, like at least $2, right? So total, Moe would've spent a grand total of $5 on tubing. Either way, I went tubing and "spent" $5 and mysteriously misplaced, never to be found again, $15. *^.^* And lying to myself really does make me feel better - already there is a burning hope of finding a missing $15 in my general possession...! K, so that wasn't even the worst part of my day -
Today, I found out God hates me - yeah, you'll soon see. So of course when I get home at 12:10 AM I've gotta do a #2 (drop a log, make a splash? Catch my drift?) So thank goodness my roommates are lame and are already in bed (or so I think) and the bathroom is prime time for some business. So I do said business. Unexpectedly, unfortunately, tragically, the damn toilet won't effing flush my business away! It's the middle of the night. I'm tired. I've misplaced $15 somewhere. And my toilet won't flush? Wait...like, serious? Are you kidding me?! So yeah, of course I'm going to flush again like any normal person and of course, since God hates me remember?, the toilet floods. No, the water level doesn't just rise really high, it really does overflow. Thank somebody most of the business was long gone, sucked away by a previously well functioning toilet. I saved my bathroom mats and garbage can and spent a freaking hour plunging, mopping, and hating my life. So I sticky-noted the hell out of the bathroom just in case a roommate wanted to use the facility and YES, just so happens a roommate DID want to do just that. And it wasn't any old roommate, it's the "children of the corn" one (kudos to Barret), aka the one I don't like/scares me/sometimes looks like she'll eat me. And she suggests we call maintenance - I tell her maintenance isn't open at this hour - she says call the emergency maintenance - Who's that? I ask - the police. THE POLICE, apparently, are the emergency maintenance according to home girl! And she wants me to call them! The Police! WTF. And yes, I do it because I feel slightly guilty that it was my big ass turd that got us in this mess (not punny.) So, feeling like an idiot and being watched by home girl the whole time, I call the university police and I'm answered by this bored-as old woman who asks me what my emergency is. I'm all apologizing and crap for calling, explaining that my situation wasn't at all an emergency, don't kill me, I just had a clogged toilet and my roommate had to pee. In the most bored, I-can't-believe-you're-bothering-me-about-this voice she says "So....You want someone to come out....for a clogged toilet." OMG SHOOT ME I feel like such a dumbass and so I'm just blubbering "Well...I don't know what else you want me to do..." and so she's all 'whatev', takes my information, asks me to spell my name and tell her where I live and crap. And then my roommate decides 20 seconds later that what we did was cruel and heartless and she just tells me to call them back and tell them not to worry about it, we can take care of it in the morning. UUGGGHHHHH. I call back. The bored-as lady picks up with "Hello, Moana." She effing knows my name! What the heck. I call off the whole rescue-me-I-clogged-my-toilet operation and was of course embarrassed so I was hurrying on the phone "We can call in the morning, it's fine, you can forget it, my roommate can find somewhere else to pee, goodnight!" And now bored-as lady knows my name and will probably post my idiocy in the damn Daily Universe in the police beat.

Sometimes... I hate my life.

Highlight of the day: There are cookies in the freezer and milk in the fridge.